my life as an artist and the time I faked mono in college….

Sarasvati, the goddess of knowledge, music and the arts.

“The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.”
~ Alan Alda

Anne Who Knows the Answers said to write anything. Even if it’s just sharing what I had for breakfast. She’s right of course. Told you she knows the answers.

The process of writing…just doing it…making it part of my routine… that’s what matters. So often I only focus on wanting the outcome to be perfect. I get lost in my head. Lost in vision. Vision is wonderful but also an easy place for me to hide out. And often the more I hang out there, the more fearful I get of failing. But it’s the act of creating, the process of creation. That’s what feeds my soul.

Making time to be creative is a priority for me this year. It’s an area where I want to risk big….try new things. Last summer I fell in love with reggae. Letting my body surrender to the freedom of the music felt incredible. Cooking shortly followed. I loved experimenting with tastes, colors, textures and spices. Two months ago I started playing with pastels in my apartment and tacking them on my wall. My living room became my gallery. I’d look at the wall - taking in the colors and images. Immediately I’d feel inspired - in sync with my spirit.

“All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
~Pablo Picasso

Art was a big part of my life as a child. My parents were creative and loved the arts. They exposed us to museums, theater, galleries and performances. I took art classes, piano and spent three summers at art camp. Photography is what led me to my high school and to college in New York. My parents encouraged me to follow a creative path. I now recognize how blessed I was to have parents who wanted me to follow my heart. I was fearless.

In my early twenties I began to doubt myself. One critical professor and suddenly I didn’t want to touch my camera. My mind could only focus on what my teacher or others would think. So after eight years of studying photography I quit. I told the teacher I had mono and took off for Spain the next semester, leaving my camera behind. Extreme? Clearly. My art was part of me and I didn’t have the self-confidence or experience in how to not take criticism personally. So I ran…

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
~Oscar Levant

In Spain I fell in love with Don Quixote, who most think of as mad. I only saw how he attained total freedom in his creativity. How he experienced the magic of the world. From then on I became lost in the world of academia and observation. I felt safe there and I thrived. As my brother used to tease - I became an art school drop-out and didn’t look back.

While photography appeared in my life again thanks to my life coach, Rhonda Britten, I still wasn’t able to put my heart fully in it. My first month in LA I was assisting on a David Grohl shoot and for People Magazine at the SAG awards. Yet I still didn’t want to take pictures. I was happier assisting.

I was clearly creatively blocked as they say. I now see it was much bigger. It was about still not trusting myself. I was denying a huge part of my existence. I believe one of human’s greatest gifts is their ability to create. It’s literally what we are designed to do. So when we’re not creating, we are not living the wonderful way we are meant to.

Two weeks ago I joined a group for women artists. I shared work that felt safe, my photography, but also took my pastels. People loved the photos and just smiled at my new work. But you know what? It didn’t even phase me. Not one bit.

I shared my spirit when I showed those pastels. They have the energy of my creation - what’s inside me right now. And the women in the group, artists themselves, made it safe for me to share. They too are aware of creation’s vibration. They understood and saw so much more than some colors on paper.

After almost ten years I am in a creative state again. I am inspired. And it feels wonderful.

I’m challenging myself to do something creative each day. To approach all that’s in front of me with a creative lens. Last night was hip-hop class. Today it’s writing this blog. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Grab some paper my friends. Write, draw, color or paint. Take fifteen minutes to dance freely to music or try out a new recipe. Trust me…you won’t regret it!

peace, love and light,
jessica...aka...ms divine...

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

~ Albert Einstein

What's in a name tag?

This past summer I spent two magical months at the Mt Madonna Center - an intentional community in the Redwoods.
















During the last week of my program, my new family and I celebrated life and each other around a bonfire at the beach.

Filled with child-like joy and utter bliss we danced, sang, laughed and surrendered to the incredible love around us.


One member brought name tags for each of us and names were given. For this story only a few will be shared…

Ms. Rich, Anne Who Knows the Answers, Ms Punani (who..please note...was not aware of the meaning until after) and my tag, Ms Divine.

When creating the names energy was focused on what we were longing for....financial stability...wisdom...connection to our souls...and some good loving. Not too much thought was given...just one of many things happening that night.

Yet suddenly there was this slow motion movie moment. Overwhelmed by the passion... I paused...and observed these beautiful people...strangers mere months ago...now so connected and basking in love.

There they were...


Ms Rich...overflowing with the abundant love and joy around her...who always seemed to have an unlimited amount of love to give others...

Anne who knows the Answers...the youngest of the group, filled with curiosity yet clearly wise… naturally moving in sync with the rhythm of creation…

Ms Punani...watching her laugh and dance...clearly designed for love and pleasure... she embodies the goddess...(so much we understood her shedding of the tag in the bar later that night - ;) )

And then me...Ms Divine...someone who four years ago would have raised my eyebrows at that word alone...yet now clearly has surrendered to a life led by spirit.



You see? Those name tags were accurate. We already were...already are...all that we hope to be.

So often we are quick to put on name tags that highlight our challenges...things we don’t like about ourselves....or better yet...we let others name us. And more often than not those negative labels bring us down...or give us permission to behave in ways that don't serve us. Yet when it comes to claiming who we truly are...celebrating our essence...or even accepting the light others see in us...we hesitate. It's like I'm naturally wired to find tons of evidence to support negative thoughts about myself...yet totally uncomfortable building a case to support all that's wonderful. When really...the wonderful...is the reality for us all.

We are all rich...we are all wise...we already know all the answers...we are pleasurable, sexual, loving beings…we are all divine!

As the Hopi saying goes..."We Are The Ones We've Been Waiting For".

There are still many days when I wake up and don't feel like Ms Divine. Yet on those days...I now know she's there...I can feel her...loving me, guiding me, just being with me...because she is part of me. I even write myself notes from Ms Divine at times - because honestly...I'm often more responsive to her encouragement (and errand requests!). In fact...she's the one who told me to write something...anything...tonight.

So that's the long story about why I'm both starting this blog...and why it's called what it is. I'm writing to honor all that I am, all that I'm experiencing, and all that I'm learning. I'm writing to honor the Ms Divine that is me. And I'm making it public because we can all learn from each other's journeys....I know I have. (plus...i'm more likely to do this than journal at this point!).

btw - If you feel like sharing...what's your name tag?